I've been cruising through life just kind of doing my thing and not pushing myself to accomplish much. Yes I've been doing homework and projects, but shouldn't there be much more to life? I feel like magnifying my calling in compassionate service is the answer, but I've been filling my time with less productive and meaningful things. I sort of feel like the end of this semester is the end of my life as I know it, which it sort of is. I feel like I have to get all of my partying in, all my socializing, all my "good times" in. I am so sad that Miriam will be leaving us for Jerusalem. She is one of my crew, the invisible girl of my fantastic four. I'm so happy that she'll be building splendid memories and experiences, but I'll still miss her. This semester is ending too quickly. Next semester I'll have to juggle a million hours of classes, early morning work, adequate amounts of sleep, copious amounts of homework I'm sure there will be, while also dealing with the reality that I'm growing up. Next semester is the start of my life as a teacher, and that's kind of scary. I don't want to start grown up life! All those responsibilities and stresses? No thank you. I just fear the unknown, and I definitely don't know how to be a grown up. But it can't be helped, and I'm sure once I get there it will be great.
Here is an example from my life where silly fears are no match for experience and practice. Before coming out to school, one of my greatest concerns was that I would be in charge of doing my own laundry. With as silly as that sounds, I didn't know how I would figure out the hots and colds, lights and darks, how much soap to put in, what I should dry and what I shouldn't... I'd helped Mom with the laundry at home, but when I'd separate the clothes there would always be that inevitable "unknown" pile that Mom would have to come bail me out on. Alone at school, there is no bailout solution to an "unknown" pile. So, my solution to the problem: just do it, and you'll figure it out. Laundry is not that difficult. This is so with many things in my life, I have found. I am scared of things only because they are unknown to me. But once I finally delve into whatever IT is, it's really not as hard or scary as I'd thought.
My teaching career will be great.
Moby Dick will be an enlightening book.
My nephews will be cute healthy little boys.
The Lord's got me covered on the boy situation.
Money matters will work out.
And now that I've spent this time writing instead of studying, I'd better go learn about French Christmas with Holly. A tout a l'heure!
4 comments:
I think I would have preferred that you write more rather than be disappointed with my ditching!
Sorry, too late. =)
I love it. Seriously profound--! It'll work out, just keep goin :)
Moby Dick? I mean, yeah, Stevo would say it's about the greatest book he's ever read, but I got about halfway through it before I decided, hey, this is kind of boring. Good luck with THAT one anyway.
As for the others, growing up isn't that bad. I mean, it's not like I'm all that far ahead of you, but going out to school for the first time like you said is intimidating. So is leaving the country for two years. So is coming back. So now that law school is rolling around, ok, it's a little intimidating, but it's really not all that scary anymore. Like most things, I think, there's that gruff, somewhat irritated voice in the back of my head that starts to mumble each time I get ready for a change: "You'll get used to it." Just remember that if you're jumping into the deep end and you're not sure if you can swim all that well, make sure you do it feet first.
Plus, if you need anyone knocked off or anything, you can walk across the street and I'll be sure to get them a nice pair of cement shoes, capiche?
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