Don't let terrible logic get in your way

Theo's first Popsicle. Despite the face, he really enjoyed it!

Summer has finally struck, here in Ithaca, NY.  I'm beginning to understand the big deal about humid heat- it is the worst thing ever.  Dry heat I can take.  But this whole feeling like all I do is sweat is getting on my nerves.  Plus it rains half the time, which makes hiking and swimming and other fun summer time only activities impossible.  But the other half of the time when it's sunshiny and beautiful, there is nothing like the natural beauty of upstate New York.

I've been enjoying the magic of fireflies the past few nights.  I think part of the magic is, unless you've caught one and are looking right at it, there is no way to see one light up.  You have to rely on the corner of your eye to enjoy them.  I think I like the mystery in that. 

Two nights ago, Corbin was off at a gig and the baby was asleep.  I got to spend about half an hour just laying in my front yard.  It had been miserably hot that day, but the night cooled off and the breeze was lovely.  I watched the fireflies dance around me, and every once in a while a flash of lightning would go off in the distance.  Nothing goes better with lightning bugs than lightning!  I felt such peace being alone with my thoughts in that beautiful natural scene.  I think that night made all the yuckiness of the summer worth it.



I didn't mean for this to turn into a rant, but here it is. 

Sometimes I have terrible logic, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this form of it.  I was terribly sick back in January.  I also do not have health insurance.  As I was dealing with my pain, I knew that going to a doctor would have been the thing to do. Here's where the terrible logic comes in. I said to myself, "what if I go to the doctor, and he tells me there is something horribly wrong and I'll need surgery or expensive medication, or that I only have 24 hours to live? I'd rather just not go, and not know."  I was more afraid of the cost of getting better, than of being sick.

Fortunately it ended well for me and I got better. But what if it hadn't?  I could have been seriously ill, and I avoided the doctor who could have made me better.

In my allegory, sin is like an illness, and Christ is like the doctor.  In the past, I've applied the same terrible logic to my spiritual sickness.  I was suffering from guilt and pain, and instead of going to Christ through my Bishop (like the pastor of a congregation), I avoided him for a year or more.  I said, "Confessing my sins will be so shameful embarrassing! What if the Bishop takes away my temple recommend, or I get excommunicated?"  My logic was that working through the repentance process was going to be more painful than bearing my guilt.  But that was totally wrong!

I eventually did go to my bishop.  Telling him everything was heart-wrenching and embarrassing.  I'll admit that I wept in front of him.  But once I had spilled my soul out to him, he told me he loved me, and that Heavenly Father loved me.  I was not met with judgement, but with charity and council.  He helped me to see that I was still a good person, even though I had made mistakes. I was able to harness the full healing power of the Atomement, and to let go of the feelings of guilt and sadness.

Even though I was terrified to make the appointment, I see my visit with the Bishop as one of the most spiritual experiences of my life.  It was definitely one of the most rapid growing experiences, not without growing pains.  But the feeling of peace and comfort I felt after I'd been freed of my burdens was amazing. 

I guess the moral of this story is, don't hesitate to visit with your bishop, branch president, or ecclesiastical leader.  I was going to say, don't be scared of doing it, but you can be scared all you want.  My situation was, I'm sure, minor compared to others, but the principle holds true.  There is no reason to hold on to guilt and pain.  The bishop is there to help us come to Christ, in whatever way he can.  And there is no sin too big for Christ to take from us.  He loves us infinitely, something we can't even comprehend. 


Amendment: Bishops are there to help bring us to Christ.  We can confess to him, but we can also go for council on other subjects, even temporal.  I don't think we talk about that enough in the Church, which has lead to a stigma on going to see the bishop.  It has turned into something of a shame to talk to him.  I think people who confess to the bishop should be applauded for their efforts on improving their lives and coming to Christ, not judged because they've made mistakes. How can we change that tendency in the Church?